Still here…

2013 has been quite rough so far. Things were very dark for awhile. The only bright spot being that I now have a dog. My birthday was probably the worst I’ve ever had. Then, of course, last month I got a call I never expected and found out that Shannon had died. I want to write about him or about my feelings but I find I can’t. I can’t talk about what happened. I guess I’m not ready. I haven’t really had the chance to deal with this because my attentions were pulled elsewhere. So I did what I do. I shoved it down so far I thought I was fine. Until I tried to tell someone what happened and found I could not speak. The words did not want to come. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t fine, I was just doing a very good job pretending. This is not that time where I write my feelings out. I may never share them publicly. I may never share them at all. I wish I could have been in Philadelphia this weekend. I wish I could have been around certain friends last month or that some people had bothered to reach out. None of that matters now because it’s too late and I’ve said far more than I ever intended to say.

Here’s a picture of Angus. He was born September 21st, 2012.

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